We were unaware of Merritt's "defects" before he was born. During my C-section, I was able to see my son all wrapped up in a blanket. He was absolutely beautiful. While anxiously waiting in recovery for my newborn son to return to me, my husband walked in... with no baby. I remember what he said so clearly, "Honey, everything is fine. He is fine. He just has... well, a little boo boo." I could see the anguish behind his smile. At that point my husband began to explain exactly what was "wrong" with my perfect little baby boy. In that moment, my world came crashing down.
I kept reassuring myself, "Niki, it is only his foot, we can get through this, we can fix this." But, nevertheless, front and center of my thoughts was always, "What if something else is really wrong? Does he have a syndrome and we just haven't figured it out yet? Will he ever run and play with his brother? Will he ever be NORMAL?"
Please understand that during all this, my love for my son was always there. Not for one second did I ever wish him away. I just wanted to make him better. I didn't want him to suffer... ever.
Here is a photo of Merritt's little foot at birth.
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